As a sensitive soul who feels the emotions, woundings, and the various spaces others are in, I spent much of my life saying the thing I felt the human I was connecting with wanted to hear, and connecting in a way that ensured their comfort; ensured they didn’t sit in uncomfortable spaces. This was also a result of the socialization we all experience within gender realms as well as birth family and community spaces, and is responsible for the many masks we wear as we move through the world, only partly connecting with others. Deep, loving connection is manifested when we are truly authentic.
While “assisting” others to stay in comfortable spaces came from a desire for others to be happy, what I realized as I stepped onto my path as a transpersonal life coach and healer several years back was that it wasn’t authentically loving, because it was an avoidance of truth, and also a means to stay in my own comfortable space. For a sensitive to hold the space for another to be present with their discomfort means healing our own fear of sitting with the discomfort within ourselves so that we can learn to sit there with others.
What this also means for the healer is, as we practice sitting with discomfort, we can cultivate connections to our deepest intuitions and seeing, which can immensely benefit the ones who are trusting us to shine light on the whole beautiful, painful, raw gamete of human emotion, model acceptance of it all, and hold them inside the healing.
The broader significance of this, in terms of how it heals the collective, is the modeling of vulnerability in our most painful spaces, whether they be shame-filled, rage-filled, or grief-filled as manifestations of perceived rejections, abandonments, and betrayals. The gift in this is the thing itself: the ability to shine light on our most painful emotions as a vehicle to truth. The world desperately needs truth, and we can only get there through acceptance of what Is.
Only when we can look within and access self acceptance can we truly do this for others. Otherwise, our judgments and ego gratifications will erect walls within our connections and communications.
The crux of this whole thing is this: we all have the ability to heal. We are all sensitives. Because we are human. Many of us have just forgotten how to be our true selves, as life happened and the world shaped us and we learned how to cope, instead of how to connect. We learned how to stay as comfortable as possible, which often means avoiding, denying, judging, running, and being unloving to ourselves and others. Plugged into the matrix control system in this way, we are kept docile and divided from our greatest collective power: Love.
The most heartbreaking result of this is when our beautiful sensitive true selves morph into fear, and we begin to love from a place of ego and control, addiction, co-dependence, and the human avoidance of being truly present in each moment. When fear agendas take over, we may retreat deeply enough inside ourselves that we become completely unconscious, disconnected from self and others, and completely unaware of this head-space from which we lead. We may even believe that we are deeply emotional and feeling, and claim it as an identification. But the pain from all that disconnection must be numbed now, rather than accessed, and our actions and motivations now come from a shell of who we truly are. We will enact desperate attempts to keep or regain the control that ego believes it needs, and in some cases, this can cause much dismemberment, both internally and externally.
There are several spaces we can begin today to practice accessing our sensitive souls. The first is within ourselves. We can witness emotions as they come up, and stop. Stop whatever it is we would commonly do to avoid those feelings. Instead allow them to come, be present with them, and hold space for them no matter how deep they go. Follow them down the rabbit hole, and embrace them. Curl up with them, cry with them, accept them, just be STILL with them. Each emotion is perfect, because it is yours. There is nothing to fear from our emotions. They remind us of our humanity and our life path, each emotion turned over in our hands, connected to experience and alchemized into deeper knowings of what we are here to learn, grow, and heal for ourselves and others. This is how we turn pain into pure gold.
For parents or caregivers of children, we can begin to see the children in our lives as present moment reminders of the children we once were. We can seek to validate, rather than bypass, each emotion that surges through our deeply feeling little-big humans and bring our calm to them, our acceptance to them, our deep seeing to them. We can offer them this love in the same way we can offer it to ourselves, and by transmutation, to our own inner child. This is the key to healing the world. Emotional, conscious parenting made possible via the connection we deepen within ourselves.
A third immediate space we can begin this practice is with our partners, our beloveds. We can hold space for their emotions, physically embrace our beloveds in those deeply feeling moments, and begin to see their weak places as wounds to be loved. When we are triggered, we can step back and ask what is being reflected in us that we desire to avoid. Locate the possibilities, and seek to connect to those spaces, feelings, and memories to enact our own healing work.
The more we love ourselves, the greater possibility there is to authentically love others. The more present we are with ourselves, the greater possibility to be present with others. This is not a switch we flip. It need only be an awareness of the goal itself as a path to authentic embodiment and to healing a world overflowing with anxiety, personality disorders, addictions, and deep suffering.
I will sit with your pain, and hold you through it, and shine light to the other side, if you need me to.
With much love and seeing,
Transpersonal Life Coach