I have been identifying and processing some fears coming up around where the professional aspect of my path is leading me… a deeper layer of practice for me in being in the world (but not of it…).
Last night, this culminated in a headache and I went to bed early with my sweet daughter, who had just had a shock to her nervous system by a nose bleed. I fell asleep inside that migraine, ruminating on this world and how hard it is to be here sometimes, how hard it is to be in the density of these physical bodies.
A few minutes earlier, as I sat with my daughter and she held a tissue to her nose, she asked me why she gets nose bleeds. I told her: Because everything you experience is training you for the rest of your beautiful life. She said, but mom, nose bleeds aren’t beautiful! I asked her why not. She said, because they are bloody and messy! I asked her if it’s possible for something bloody and messy to be beautiful? She really didn’t think so! So, I told her again of the day she was born, and how it was one of the bloodiest and messiest days of my life!
I told her how the hardest things we do and will ever do are often very, very messy; just as messy as they are beautiful. Birth is always like this. Whether you are birthing who you are into the world, after years of conditioning against it, or birthing your subconscious emotions back into your awareness, or birthing a child…. it’s all the same in essence. We see this in Spring, when the mud splatters even as the daffodils push through the earth to bloom again.
Then she said, who will I be?
(And I was reminded of the song Que Sera Sera that my beautiful grandmother used to play on her organ, on her enclosed front porch.)
And I told her— Who You Already Are.
She said, but I’m not a warrior princess yet!!
This made me laugh and tears filled my eyes. She has been wearing a dress-up crown as she flies through life, leaping and dancing, practicing her karate kicks, these last few days.
And I said, yes, you are. This is why you have the nose bleeds. You were born a warrior princess, just like all little girls, and someday you will be a warrior queen. The nose bleeds are part of that growth.
Something clicked. She innerstood. She smiled and we took care of the bloody tissues and we crawled in bed.
This morning I woke early and immediately remembered a dream that woke me sometime in the night. In the dream, dozens of packages were left at my front door, and each one was filled with loving understanding. When I woke, I remembered how one of the boxes whispered as I opened it, “teach the children with metaphors!”
This really stuck out to me, and I turned it over in my mind’s hands for a while this morning. I thought of the poetry class I am teaching at our homeschool co-op… we just tackled metaphor this week. We began with the poem “Fog” by Carl Sandberg, which he compares to a cat. We looked at artwork others have created, inspired by the poem, paintings of giant cats crouched in the sky, overlooking cities and harbors. We talked about how metaphor helps us compare things in new ways, and helps us to consider different perspectives, and to practice thinking with innovative intentions. Ah, so important for us all, and so important to support our children right now in doing so.
I would love to bring this all around to a nice little conclusion, tie it all up with a bow and deposit it on your front step. But I trust the reader can make their own conclusions. And they will be perfect, for you.
Illustration by “Behance”