Messy is Beautiful, and Metaphor is Alchemy!

I have been identifying and processing some fears coming up around where the professional aspect of my path is leading me… a deeper layer of practice for me in being in the world (but not of it…).

Last night, this culminated in a headache and I went to bed early with my sweet daughter, who had just had a shock to her nervous system by a nose bleed. I fell asleep inside that migraine, ruminating on this world and how hard it is to be here sometimes, how hard it is to be in the density of these physical bodies.

A few minutes earlier, as I sat with my daughter and she held a tissue to her nose, she asked me why she gets nose bleeds. I told her: Because everything you experience is training you for the rest of your beautiful life. She said, but mom, nose bleeds aren’t beautiful! I asked her why not. She said, because they are bloody and messy! I asked her if it’s possible for something bloody and messy to be beautiful? She really didn’t think so! So, I told her again of the day she was born, and how it was one of the bloodiest and messiest days of my life!

I told her how the hardest things we do and will ever do are often very, very messy; just as messy as they are beautiful. Birth is always like this. Whether you are birthing who you are into the world, after years of conditioning against it, or birthing your subconscious emotions back into your awareness, or birthing a child…. it’s all the same in essence. We see this in Spring, when the mud splatters even as the daffodils push through the earth to bloom again.

Then she said, who will I be?

(And I was reminded of the song Que Sera Sera that my beautiful grandmother used to play on her organ, on her enclosed front porch.)

And I told her— Who You Already Are.

She said, but I’m not a warrior princess yet!!

This made me laugh and tears filled my eyes. She has been wearing a dress-up crown as she flies through life, leaping and dancing, practicing her karate kicks, these last few days.

And I said, yes, you are. This is why you have the nose bleeds. You were born a warrior princess, just like all little girls, and someday you will be a warrior queen. The nose bleeds are part of that growth.

Something clicked. She innerstood. She smiled and we took care of the bloody tissues and we crawled in bed.

This morning I woke early and immediately remembered a dream that woke me sometime in the night. In the dream, dozens of packages were left at my front door, and each one was filled with loving understanding. When I woke, I remembered how one of the boxes whispered as I opened it, “teach the children with metaphors!”

This really stuck out to me, and I turned it over in my mind’s hands for a while this morning. I thought of the poetry class I am teaching at our homeschool co-op… we just tackled metaphor this week. We began with the poem “Fog” by Carl Sandberg, which he compares to a cat. We looked at artwork others have created, inspired by the poem, paintings of giant cats crouched in the sky, overlooking cities and harbors. We talked about how metaphor helps us compare things in new ways, and helps us to consider different perspectives, and to practice thinking with innovative intentions. Ah, so important for us all, and so important to support our children right now in doing so.

I would love to bring this all around to a nice little conclusion, tie it all up with a bow and deposit it on your front step. But I trust the reader can make their own conclusions. And they will be perfect, for you.

Illustration by “Behance”

http://www.fullerconsciousness.com

Gold Rush Brides

Gold Rush Brides

East they pan with eyes like slits

to shield the dust, to frame the light-

While others scout for bullion, gold rush brides

are seeking bone; a remembrance

of humanity in a world where

truth falls soft and love falls stiff

on skin so groomed and absolute

with rigid movement;

fear to bend.

 

It’s the agile way they move their feet,

their style of catching sun-

yet knowing when to shade the glow,

when discernments sense the burn;

see how they mount their horses in the noon

before the fade sets in to taint their skin,

paint them still, force a sleep inside

on brilliant nights instead of

beneath the moon in dirt so clean

it gleams like hope imbued.

 

Until one night they work for hours

kneading steeds while wind takes speed,

nature’s counter to the damning of their ride-

Those gold rush brides, they hear that wind,

they let that howling in; they’re never more alive

than when the truth propels their stride-

 

So they’re mounting trojan backs, see them

heaving soul-filled sacks, they’re drawing maps

within their chests, redirecting now due west

just as they’ve always done before

as if they’re off to fight a war—

 

Fierce gold rush brides,

always choosing more.

💙✊🌎✊💚

Choose Your Own Adventure (Pack Lightly!)

Do you remember the “Choose Your Own Adventure” books from childhood?

I do. They were awesome.

I remember how connected I felt to the text at the bottom of the page, the text which indicated possible storylines, and the page on which the next step in each particular storyline could be found. I remember the thrill of turning to a certain page where different storylines unfolded, depending on my choice. 

Sometimes, the story would end, and the character would be absorbed by the giant slime or some other fantastical imagery. Other times, the character would triumph. And just like in life, if a choice didn’t pan out, the reader could go back and make a different choice, and try again. The Hero’s journey— where one chooses to engage in an adventure, navigates the dark, makes conscious decisions, and eventually, returns as Victor due to the learning and inner transformation that has occurred. The hero comes home *changed.* The transformation itself represents the triumph, much more than any conquered battle.

In “Choose Your Own Adventure” books, the story was already written for us. There are many philosophical and spiritual reflections in that— and on many levels, absolutely, the story is already written. But there is also inherent programming in our acceptance of that— that life and events represent a predetermined set of scripts from which we must choose.

I am much more interested in the idea of free will and freedom, and how we create our own scripts. How we create order from chaos by doing the *thing* that was never predicted. There is irony in that, isn’t there? Order can be created from chaos by doing something completely unpredictable?

Absolutely. This makes innate sense to my mind, my heart, my body, my spirit. Because, that was the only thing I didn’t like about those books, the fact that the script was already written for me, and I was confined to the choices written by an entity outside of myself.  My thought process was always creating additional story lines, and wanting to follow through with those instead. 

I didn’t know at the time that I was seeking sovereignty within that reading experience, a reflection of my unconscious knowing that life is indeed a set of scripts created by constructs, belief systems, those with power and “authority”— and that we can choose to write our own. I did not know that this slice represented the creative spirit within me, represented integrity, represented knowledge of and belief in Self, represented my heart-lead, loving intentions; no matter how outside-the-box. I did not know it represented the possibility to choose for myself, and in my choosing, reclaim my power. Reclaim order inside my own experience, as opposed to battling the chaos created by something outside of myself. I did not know then that I was a Creator.

At the same time, we can also choose to allow the other story lines to be, while focusing our energy on creating the new ones which resonate within, come from our own creative spirit– as opposed to putting all of our energy into navigating the stories we do not choose for ourselves.

To some extent, yes, we must navigate those other storylines. Resisting what is, bypassing what reality is showing us, is not what I’m speaking to here.

So how might we approach the reality created by entities outside ourselves? 

Awareness, Feeling the Emotions Created by the Awareness, Acceptance, Choosing to Create New, & Humor

That sounds like a lot. How does it all fit together? 

There are some dark, pathological realties that are horrifying when we first glimpse them. Once the emotional dust created by our appropriate human response has settled as a result of our emotional processing, we can speak to what we See, if we choose. At the same time, we can allow others to be where they are, and to see what they see— and instead of fighting, instead of predictably engaging in polarization, we can put our energies into the creation of the new storylines with which we resonate.

But where does humor fit in?

When we see a narrative unfolding around us, and we see the absurdity, even the stupidity, we might also experience the whole gamut of human emotion. Anger, grief, incredulity— it’s all purposed. It’s trying to tell us something is “off.” And what I am interested in is accessing sincere responses/reactions that are neither predictable nor predicted by those who seek to create polarization and intensify the reality of this world’s duality. Those who seek to divide and conquer. Those who seek to silence, pathologize, censor, discredit.

And always, what I come back to, is humor. I connect to my younger self in that space as well— the one who turned the pages of those “Choose Your Own Adventure” with a smirk and a twinkle in her eye. The one who inwardly laughed at the giant green slime.

Laughter, humor— when sincere— represents one of the most beautiful aspects of who we are. It also results in our leading from our hearts, rather than fear, and assists us in taking a Bird’s Eye View to both absurdity and polarization. From that space, we can write whatever we want, and the storylines written by others with perceived “authority” are shaken up, because our response is unpredictable. We take back our power. We do not respond by shrinking in fear, or by exploding with anger. We respond with expansion, with the openness of the laughter that comes through when we remember our power and identify the attempts to dupe us into believing we have none. We remember how to dance.

When I respond with anger or grief, I recognize my past emotions rearing up in my body; reflections of times I was misunderstood, shamed; reflections of the times others tried to rewrite my story. That is my inner child and younger self. But, like yourself, I have navigated my own Hero’s Journeys, and now find myself inside another. The previous journeys prepared me for this one, and I accept it with gratitude. I thank God for the opportunity to expand even more. I am grateful for the humor that has accompanied me through life. I am grateful for its fortitude: how, when I have forgotten it inside very painful moments or situations, it has eventually popped its head out of the hole I left it in and yelled, “Hey! Remember me? I’m useful!”

Sometimes, I am a dunce and a dork. I laugh at myself in those moments, with love and acceptance, because I appreciate my silliness and the absurdity of navigating this human body in the world of physicality and form, the absurdity of tripping over my own thoughts or speech or communication. For me, this is all a reflection of play and laughter inside the human experience. A reflection of the dance. And so, just as I laugh at myself when I am comically navigating life, I can laugh at slices of the world too, laugh at the absurdity of those in power who believe they have power over myself and my family. 

They only had power when I didn’t see them for what and who they are. They only had power before I saw they were actors on a stage inside a storyline already written. They only had power before I knew I could choose whether or not to engage in their stories.

We can still choose to take their narratives seriously. That is a choice that is just as valid as any other, and, to some extent, we can hold that as well. We can hold that in our hand and Bird’s Eye View ALONG with an awareness for the ridiculous nature of all they represent, send them laughter, and choose to rise above with remembrance of Who We Are. The creation of new reflects our divine remembrance.

The energy we lead with is everything. The energy is informed by emotion. The energy determines the adventure. 

We can recognize duality with acceptance. We can have awareness for orchestrated polarization. We can discern absurdity. And, we can respond to all in ways that aren’t predictable.

What fun. That really changes up the game, doesn’t it.

I wonder what might happen, if we all just threw off the shackles of pathology and absurdity with laughter; I wonder what might grow from that, if we all just started laughing, wildly??!!

“Someone should start laughing. Someone should start wildly laughing, Now!” ~Hafez/Hafiz

http://www.fullerconsciousness.com to schedule a session. ❤

Inner Child Work: Healing the Fractured Self

Feelings have Roots. Our present feelings are repeats of feelings felt in the past, and cataloged/stored in the body and psyche. Even when a new situation arises, and we believe a feeling is a new response to this new situation, there is often a conscious or unconscious memory attached to the feeling, connected to a past event that produced a similar cognitive and emotional response.

Feelings Point Us to Where Healing is Needed

Is the feeling you are currently feeling a familiar or frequent feeling? 

So often, when painful feelings come up that are familiar, they have walked with us for many years, maybe for as long as we can remember. We recognize them distinctly. We resist them because we dread their weight and fear the dark, low places they have taken us before.

But these feelings bring meaningful messages. They are saying, “Please deeply feel me! Please don’t ignore me or distract yourself from me! I know I am painful to feel, but I am outmoded in your Being. You don’t need me anymore. You used to need me, and I served you in the past. I helped you survive. I helped protect you. But now I am ready to be deeply felt and integrated, because you don’t need me anymore.”

To avoid the pain of feeling our feelings, we may distract ourselves or intellectualize the feelings— the latter of which is meaningful to a point, but can turn into an emotional bypass. Avoidance is where all forms of addiction come from, too… a brilliant survival technique, really, used to protect ourselves from feeling our suffering. But what results is self-disconnection, more pain, and in many cases, self-sabotaging, co-dependent, or narcissistic traits and behaviors. 

Ultimately, what we are doing is suppressing the truth of our experience, and of what IS. 

Not FEELING the feels can evolve into depression. Feelings become DE-pressed within us. 

Not feeling VALIDATED in the feels can evolve into anxiety. Unvalidated feelings morph into cognitive expressions of shame, which fuels the feelings and self-harmful coping mechanisms. We can learn to validate OurSelves. Expecting others to do so leads to patterns of co-dependent ways of relating. This should be differentiated from SPEAKING our feelings. We can speak for ourSelves; to validate ourSelves. This is different from speaking so that others may validate us. 

Our feelings are attached to our inner child/adolescent/younger adult. They are bound to fragments of self, split from the cohesive selves we came in as. Because it’s these feelings we experienced as children, or in our earlier adult years, that weren’t accepted, understood, loved, and held. Potentially shamed, pathologized, neglected. We were alone inside an isolated perceptual reality, and these fragments of self continue to hang out there, in our psyches and cells, alone, waiting to be understood and loved. WE are the ones these fragments of younger self are waiting for.

Feelings Are Trying to Tell us Something

In addition to feelings functioning as messengers from a perceptual reality we have been suppressing, sometimes a feeling is telling us a boundary has been violated. We have an opportunity to respond from a self-honoring space in this moment, essentially healing past patterns of self-denial, shame, and guilt. In these moments, we are giving ourselves the gift of identifying and voluntarily practicing new— or deeper versions of— self-honoring behaviors and verbalizations. 

During these times, new circumstances may have entered our lives that are reflections of original wounds. We may experience those reflections again and again, in different contexts and situations, until we “get it” and agree to feel the feelings, and choose to honor the emotional and autonomic nervous system response via a response that reflects our true thoughts, feelings, self-knowings. Because this time, we can. We now recognize we have the choice. 

It may take many events, or a major one, for us to “get it.” There is no “bad” timing. It is all purposed, and it is certainly never too late.

Inner child work can compliment the creation and maintenance of new response patterns, and our ability to locate and hold the inner child is a barometer for our growth and healing. This includes the ability to feel anger and/or grief FOR our inner child or younger self. This is an indication of self-acceptance and self-trust, which your inner child will recognize in you. We Parent ourSelves in this way. 

When we believe ourselves, our inner child feels seen and believed as well. 

*Note: if we encounter difficulty seeing our inner child/younger self as lovable or forgivable, which is not an uncommon challenge, imagine how you would feel for another child or human who experienced the same emotions and circumstances. Then transfer those feelings to your inner child/younger self. The more we are able to do this for ourselves, the less we project our fears and self-judgments onto others, as well. And, the more we can hold others in their pain and become more deeply accountable inside our relationships. 

The Tunnel Exercise

At a certain point on the healing path, we discover we have cultivated skills to offer ourselves. We have learned to connect to ourselves and honor ourselves in our feelings and perspectives. We nurture voices that SPEAK. 

Inner child work can deeply impact our healing, by acting as a vehicle to locate the root of the feeling. The root is embodied by the younger self still within us who first experienced the feeling. 

However, we can first work with the feeling itself. Here is an exercise to try:

Close your eyes. Feel the feeling. Visualize yourself going INTO the feeling, as if it is a tunnel to enter, navigate, and then emerge out the other side. Or, go into it as deeply as you can go. As you do this, remind yourself that you are safe; it is just you here; you and the feeling. 

As you feel the feeling as deeply as you can, you will notice how it dissipates when you go INTO IT and THROUGH IT, because you agree to feel it. It is the resistance to the feeling that increases the feeling. When you agree to the feeling, it can be felt and then it can go once it has been honored, processed. It is no longer something to fight against. Because it will fight you to be felt, as feelings are meant to be felt. That’s the whole point of having feelings.  

Emotional Flashbacks 

As previously discussed, feelings of suffering which plague and persist in our emotional bodies are often emotional flashbacks of earlier events. Sometimes we must process these feelings again and again. This is common for those of us who are healing PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), CPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) or CPTSR (complex post traumatic stress response). 

I feel that all humans are walking around, to some degree, with CPTSR, whether they know it or not. This is a by-product of being human in a dense world that brings traumatic events and experiences into our realities. And, symptoms may persist long after healing begins. The nature and “severity” of the traumatic event(s) doesn’t matter, either— we all have unique responses to adverse events, and that informs our experience of the “severity.” 

It is meaningful to have awareness when emotional flashbacks bring in an intensity, or flood, of emotion that may not actually be “appropriate” to the current situation. Of course all feelings are perfect and appropriate, because they are trying to tell us something. But I am talking in terms of a response intensity that does not necessarily meet the degree of the situation. 

An example might be: Jane has a deep abandonment wound due to parental neglect as a child. When a friend doesn’t respond to her text, she assumes it’s because she doesn’t really care for her, there is something wrong with her, and she is unworthy of her attentions. These thoughts will inspire an emotional flashback, which Jane may spiral in for days or even weeks. Depression and despair may ensue. There is often an intense autonomic nervous system response (fight/flight/freeze) that accompanies the event. In this case, the emotional flashback must be attended to, rather than responding to the specific event, or person, that inspired it. Recognizing the distinction is important for creating new behaviors, cultivating healthy relationships, and creating space for energy to be poured into what the emotional flashback is asking Jane to identify, feel, and process. 

However, it is just as likely that the current situation accurately informs the emotional flashback. In this case, the flashback can be attended to first,  and then the situation can be dealt with in a self-honoring way. 

Discernment for this distinction takes self-awareness, time, and commitment to self and one’s feelings. Practicing feeling and honoring our feelings leads to the development of this discernment.

Depending on the catalyst, the latter scenario (the current situation accurately informs the emotional flashback) potentially includes the willingness to accept that a situation or relationship detracts from one’s wellbeing, which may produce more feelings reminiscent of the initial abandonment wound. Grief, rage, shame. All of the emerging feelings can be identified, accepted as one’s truth, deeply felt, and processed. As many layers of feeling may emerge over time, we can remember that this is a process, and re-commit to ourselves as needed. 

In either case, the crux is this: The flashback is purposed, meaningful, trying to tell us something important, and asking us to feel something. 

The tunnel exercise above is very purposed here as well, along with crying, screaming, whatever is needed, for as long as it takes. Allow the emotions to make cognitive connections for you, if any arise, as they want to take you to memories and associated feelings that are asking to be more deeply felt and processed.

Inner child work is purposed when you are able to parent the younger versions of yourself, as a direct result of learning to validate, love, and parent yourself in the Now via the work you have done with the tunnel exercise. This capability will continue to emerge the more deeply you connect to your feelings, be with your feelings, and validate your perceptual reality/experience.

Abandonment Wounds in Inner Child Healing

Abandonment wounds are universal and can result in much self-fragmentation. Along with their obvious inception inside normalized dysfunctional family systems and parenting styles, and within important experiences and relationships in adolescence and adulthood, abandonment wounds are also connected to physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Ultimately, abandonment wounds can be multilayered and complex. The core belief in an abandonment wound says: “I’m not safe.” And the additional beliefs attached to this are: “I’m not lovable. I can’t trust love. If I am a ‘good girl/boy’ or if I can just do all the ‘right things’ only then will I be loved,” which all loop back to the core belief: “I’m not safe.” Shame is a leading feeling associated with abandonment wounds, as well as grief and anger. 

Abandonment wounds may need to be deeply felt again and again. And again. Layers of an onion. 

The tunnel exercise above is meaningful for feeling the feelings associated with abandonment wounds.

Once we have accessed the ability to feel and honor our feelings, inner child work can be profound. Because the point of inner child work is to hold our younger self as a loving, conscious, accepting parent would.

Inner child work can be guided by a trusted support person, or done on your own, using the above tunnel visualization/meditation. The difference is, this time, instead of entering a feeling, you locate a feeling in your body that is created by a recent or past event, enter the feeling as if it is a tunnel, and find the child hiding within.

The most profound healing I have experienced occurred when I was able to access my preverbal self, sitting on the floor and crying, afraid and feeling alone. I was able to pick her up and love her, with so much compassion and understanding. Her little arms went around my neck and I loved her so completely, the way I would my own child or any other child who needed to be held inside their valid feelings.

You can do something similar, or whatever you feel your younger self needs, with your younger self of any age that presents within the tunnel. Follow your intuition. You know what is needed, because you know what you need. The same things all humans needs: love, acceptance, understanding, and connection. 

The memory attached to the event does not need to be accessed. What is important is that the FEELING is identified and loved. This is how we repair the cracks in the cohesive self; re-bind the fragments of self; integrate all we are and feel with love and acceptance. However, if a memory emerges, allow yourself to use it to make the cognitive connections that lead to deeper self-validation and understanding. 

Connecting to Joy Through The Playful Child Within

We can also use inner child exercises to locate ourselves inside a happy childhood memory, if we are able to remember one. Through meditation/visualization, we can locate the inner child within who embodies the joyful feelings attached to the happy memory. We can bring those joyful, astonished, curious, childlike feelings into our adult daily life, by playing in the sand, by dancing. Swinging, running, playing, climbing, creating something, singing. Whatever you loved to do as a child. The joyful child is in us as well, asking to be remembered. She/he wants to come out and play, and to help us remember and more deeply embody our full, cohesive, original Self. 

Tunnel Exercise for Self-Celebration 

Sometimes, after processing deeper layers of shame or grief around abandonment wounds, it is meaningful to deeply feel how wonderful you are! To celebrate how much you’ve expanded and healed, to go into the feeling of joy in yourself. How deep can you take it? How deep is that tunnel? And you can remind yourself, as you twirl and skip and cartwheel through that tunnel of INjoy, that you are safe because you have yourSelf. And as long as you have yourSelf, you will choose yourSelf from your personal knowings and integrity. The self-trust in this space is joy-producing, as well, because there is so much freedom in it.

A variation might be speaking a mantra: “I am BEAUTIFUL, POWERFUL, BRILLIANT, and CREATIVE.” What feelings emerge when you think those thoughts about yourself? Happiness? Excitement? Courage? Close your eyes and see how deeply you can go into a tunnel of those feelings. 

If this is difficult for you, think about someone you admire and apply the feelings you feel for them to yourself. We admire others because we see something in them that is also in ourselves, asking to be self-acknowledged and/or developed.

“I Was Made For This Shit!”

This is a mantra I created for myself and have shared with clients: “I was made for this shit!” I used to use this one all the time when I was learning to voluntarily choose to do the things that once produced anxiety. This mantra, when combined with voluntarily doing the “thing,” or navigating “the shit” (which I define as the complexities, challenges, and normalized upside-down-ness in the world) helped to create new neuro pathways AND made me smile with fierceness and courage every time I spoke it to myself. Which feelings does “I was made for this shit!” evoke in you? Go into the tunnel of those feelings, and allow them to dance around you, filling your heart, mind, and spirit with strength and courage. And then, bring that self-empowerment and self-confidence into the next Now moment, and the next, and the next, for as long as you can do so while continuing to honor your experience. 

This exercise is not intended to bypass feelings; if a painful feeling comes in, it is important to honor that and go into the tunnel of that feeling. You will know when this mantra is purposed for you, on your unique, individual journey, including during times of fear or anxiety that you self-intuit are holding you back from bringing the gift that is YOU to your Self, and to the World. Sometimes, it is purposed to heal. Sometimes, it is purposed to SHIFT. 

As we go forward on our healing journeys, we find both begin to occur organically and simultaneously. 

A Spiritual Perspective: Holes

Now, a shift in my tone, as I am going to speak to what grows from emotional holes over time, when we do not re-fill/re-integrate them with ourselves as a result of the feeling and inner child work. This portion of the discussion is not intended to create fear or shame. It is a psychological and spiritual truth that exists, and we can use our awareness to better understand ourselves in the past, in the present, and our relationships.

When we are unable to access self-awareness for our feelings, and to learn to accept and honor them, something happens over time. We become more and more self-disconnected, which results in a lack of self-responsibility and self-accountability. This translates into how we interact with others, how we parent, how we love, and how well we are able to see and hear the truth of what the world is trying to show us. When we are unable to accept our own truth and engage in the internal process of self-healing, it is unlikely we will be able to accept external truths, the truths of others, connect meaningfully with the world around us, or engage in the process of bringing the light of ourselves to the world.

We may unconsciously project all of our self-judgments onto others, because we have been unable to love the truth of ourselves. We will attempt to control the choices and stories of others, and in some cases, rewrite them with narratives that reflect our fears and our unconscious need for the world to be what we need it to be so that we can feel safe, and “right.” We require the actions and beliefs of others to validate our own choices, because we have not made our choices from self-honoring spaces, but from what we believed was necessary to be seen as “good;” from what we perceived we needed to do to be “loved.” 

All of this was learned from within our own painful experiences, and was never unlearned, was never seen and loved and *felt*. Inside, there is a voice crying out in pain. It is more painful to answer and heal the voice than it is to pathologize others who do not reflect the illusion we have created for ourselves, which we cling to within our 50-foot radius. Rearranging self-perceptions and perceptions of the world is akin to dying and being re-birthed, and not all of us will answer this call, because the mostly or completely unconscious fear is too great. It is the fear that has been integrated and now leads, as opposed to the True Self. 

We will fear our children when they express who they are or what they feel, or when they forge their own paths from their unique lessons and knowings, because we fear all of that within ourselves, and hold suppressed grief and anger around not allowing it for ourselves. We will see others as extensions of self, rather than as their own entities navigating unique life paths. It is too uncomfortable to do otherwise, because our own unfelt, unaccepted, unprocessed wounds depend on stifling the truth in others. 

We derive self-worth from what others think of us, and wear invisible masks to convince others and ourselves that we really are “good.” We don’t truly believe we are “good,” deep down, and so this is necessary to reflexively soothe the deep unconscious shame. Many others around us, engaged in similar coping mechanisms, encourage this with no self-awareness, because we are reflections of their own unfelt pain and they are unconsciously grateful for that reflection, so that they do not have to engage in honest reflections about themselves, their lives, their own shame and unprocessed pain. There is a part of us that believes we will die, should we consider alternate methods of being. We aren’t even aware of the alternate methods, in many cases, because we have no awareness for the coping mechanisms themselves. They are mechanical and ingrained.

Like this, we rally together and live inside lies, smallness, materialism, empty tradition, and grandiosity. We feel deep anger and even hatred for those who do not support us in this safe space, and attack when necessary. We bolster those who reflect ourselves. We do not understand we have become tools for divide and conquer agendas to hook into, for unloving behaviors to play out. We are self-disconnected, and validate unloving behaviors together with others leading from the same unfelt, unprocessed wounds. 

There is no bird’s eye view of self, others, or the world, from this place. There is no truth. There is no authentic love. There is no creation, or creative spirit. It has all been done and said a billion times before. 

And at some point, should we continue in this way, the true, creative self is no longer in the body. It floats outside somewhere, leaving holes within. Unconscious patterns lead. We are no longer present. We wake in the morning, we eat our Cheerios and go into the day, but we are not conscious. We are human animations, speaking scripts, seeking external validation however we can. 

We do not know there is a another way. If we do, perhaps the pain is too much. The work is too long.

Both vulnerable and grandiose narcissism, passive aggressive behaviors, toxic dissociation/emotional unavailability, and other behaviors that are harmful to self and others with no remorse or desire to change/grow may prevail. Arrogance and self-reassurance leads, as opposed to self-awareness and accountability. If we can’t give ourselves the assurance we need, we will suck it from others, energy vampires disguised as compassionate do-gooders, in some cases. The masks are necessary to obtain the results we desire, because we understand that those who are obviously malevolent or needy will not receive the validation that is needed. We have forgotten how to receive love by bringing our true selves to the world. We do not trust that we will, and so trying is too scary an option.

The truth of our pain may come out inside our closest relationships. There are enablers, often who are co-dependent, self-disconnected, unconsciously self-loathing as well. There are secrets. So many secrets. We can’t even speak them to ourselves. And if someone else dares speak them, all hell breaks lose. The foundations of our illusions are threatened and so we bring that hell, until they learn not to speak. And if they don’t learn, there are other methods to keep them in their place, supported by the hordes of fellow humans around us also living from unfelt pain and the control systems that feed on it all.

We are happy to pretend “nothing just happened,” as well, which is crazy making for the person who experienced severe dysfunction but has been trained to stay silent. This is gaslighting, and many children experience this within the homes of caregivers who do not have the tools to take self-responsibility for their emotional responses and protective cognitive processes. Adults experience this within relationship all the time as well, which can serve as a catalyst for the awakening to dysfunctional ways of loving and being. And in turn, serve as a catalyst for healing.

Many of us have witnessed the inebriated or abusive human who raves like a demon and gaslights, smear campaigns, gossips, straw-mans, villainizes, plays the victim, stonewalls, withholds love, turns on those closest to them when triggered or when shame is ignited. The shame will not be felt, at all costs. Literally *everything* depends on it. Perhaps we can recognize the times in our lives when we have played those roles as well. 

These behaviors are direct results of not being honest with ourselves about our feelings and our lives for so long that we can no longer navigate the pain of living. Hence, a direct result of our own wounds, which we never learned or found a way to heal.

Like this, many humans are walking around unconscious. These holed humans represent all ages, depending on the age that the overt or covert trauma took place, and the individual biopsychosocial response. 

It is never too late to enter the healing path.

As humans, we can take self-responsibility.

We can go back to the beginning of this article, and read it again. 🙂

We can heal ourselves for ourselves, for humanity, for the world. ❤

Please reach out if I can support you. You are loved, you are seen and understood, you are beautiful. You are able to heal.

Michelle ❤

www.fullerconsciousness.com

***

“How to Make Friends and Influence People”

Whenever I lie on the roller bed (which is glorious, by the way) in my chiropractor’s office, my eyes skim the many book titles on the shelf above my head. Each visit, I notice different titles, and it always feels like the title that jumps out on any particular day carries messages that are synchronistic with a concept I am currently thinking about and integrating. Today, the title that jumped out was “How To Make Friends and Influence People.”* This is a book many of us have probably heard of, and I began to think about the human who may read this book, someone who struggles to connect with others and feels that this struggle is in some way indicative of their own “negative” traits. As I felt into that space and empathized with the self-judgment and self-rejection an individual compelled to read this book might experience, my thoughts shifted into free-floating images of the unique gifts we each possess, and how those humans who may not easily fit into a socially desirable “box” might struggle in this world to feel Seen, Loved, and Accepted. 

I imagined, then, that someone who reads this book may be looking to access connection and feelings of acceptance. This human may believe that if they could just change the “right” things about themselves, their environment will change too, and they will overflow with “friends,” empowerment, external validation, and the world’s definition of “success.” 

I felt this deeply because I know that this same person is already overflowing with beautiful gifts and unique traits. I know deeply that these gifts, while perhaps not valued by the mainstream world as much as other traits, carry abilities within that can help shift the world, bring needed change, and shine the light of truth on spaces that are illusionary and artificial. These are humans who carry keys in their souls that might unlock the spaces our world desperately needs to access.

If you are still reading this, I’m willing to bet that you carry them, too. 

Many children and adults who have received diagnoses or who have been labeled or perceived as “neuroatypical” become trapped in an onslaught of identifications that carry the potential for abuse, loneliness, and self-judgment— a mirror for the judgments they feel from the world. If a “neurotypical” human can be defined as “an individual who thinks, perceives, and behaves in ways that are considered to be ‘normal’ by the general population” (Rudy, 2018), we can access the compassion and empathy necessary to imagine how this might play out emotionally, mentally, spiritually, socially— even physically— for the human who is labeled as “neuroatypical.” “Modern researchers have developed complex charts and libraries of books describing ‘normal’ human development. Expectations for behavior, learning, social interaction, and physical development are all built around those norms. In addition, institutions such as schools, sports leagues, places of employment, and even religious organizations are designed to accommodate people who fit into developmental norms” (Rudy, 2018).

Diagnoses and labels, whether pronounced or “felt,” are challenges in and of themselves, as they connote something to be fixed, and therefore experiences will vary widely for those who have been undiagnosed vs. those who have, and of course vary widely within each of those groups as well. I imagine one of the most significant variants will play out as a spectrum of identifications. For example, a child with a particular diagnosis or label may come to “identify” with this is a primary trait, with connotations that are less than positive and promote a sense of lack. As a result, those identifications may then result in a self-concept of shame. Social anxiety, oppositional defiance disorder, depression, ADHD— If you google any of these terms, you will find a plethora of information on how to “fix” or manage these “problems.” But what I am suggesting here is that these children are exhibiting completely appropriate responses to a world that is disconnected, artificial and needs healing. They are barometers for where we can make change, and must be embraced, listened to, and honored. 

Maybe some of these children are the ones who grow up to read books like “How to Make Friends and Influence People.” Maybe the self-rejection, as mirrored by the rejection of the world, results in a desperate belief that THEY must change to fit the World. Highly sensitive, empathic humans, “neuroatypicals” and those who are highly intuitive are the adults of today whose deep seeing and feeling may have been reflected by the world as inadequacies throughout their lives, rather than gifts to be accepted, nurtured and grown. 

It is an incredibly challenging pursuit, to separate from the identifications created by the positive and negative mirroring we receive from the World throughout our lifetimes, but there are limitless opportunities for expansion when we engage in that work. Many of these identifications work to define us in illusionary ways, ways that divide us internally (inside ourSelves), and externally (our connection with Others). They result in our deep affiliations with political parties and nationalism, as examples, which keep us boxed and disconnected from each other and from our different experiences. When we identify with labels or boxes, we lose the truth, which is that we are all human, navigating this human experience and that while we are all individuals walking deeply personal paths, we are connected via our humanity and the life all around us. When we identify, we carve ourselves up into little labeled boxes and feel resonance with those who are carved the same, and dissonance with those who aren’t. We then blame those who aren’t, judge those who aren’t, and most importantly, diminish ourselves in such a way that it becomes impossible to see ourselves as limitless, love-filled and connected to all others. Loneliness, addiction, depression, the suffering which occurs inside the illusion of separation, and myriad other results are possible and understandable and are foreseen inside the realm of the divide and conquer agendas that are completely purposed.

We can each contemplate the spaces within ourSelves in which we are plugged into identifications, belief systems, social programs, and constructs that may keep us from connecting to our authentic selves, our gifts, and to others. For those of us who have felt unseen, misunderstood, been labeled, or abused, we can consider embarking on the healing path to shift those fragments of self-rejection into loving embraces. 

For parents and caregivers, we might consider how we are supporting our children. Our “neurotypical” children, our “neuroatypical” children, our deeply feeling and sensitive children, our children who have challenges making friends, and/or who have challenges in learning environments. How can we create authentic, soul-feeding environments for them? How can we rescue them from the artificial spaces, the robotic standards, the hours of screen time, the toxic “food”? How deeply can we listen, and positively mirror back to them their experiences and emotions? How can we reintroduce them to nature? And can we imagine how much we, as adults, would benefit as well? In this context, I recommend Richard Louv’s book, “Last Child In The Woods.” As described on the book’s website: “In this influential work about the staggering divide between children and the outdoors, child advocacy expert Richard Louv directly links the lack of nature in the lives of today’s wired generation—he calls it nature-deficit—to some of the most disturbing childhood trends, such as the rises in obesity, attention disorders, and depression.” I would also add anxiety to that list, and all of these outcomes are symptoms of internal and external disconnection.

If we are going to tackle the violence, sadness, addictions, and suffering that are rampant in our world, we need to get real. We need to ABANDON our desire to “make friends and influence people.” We must sit in those uncomfortable spaces, speak truth with love and seeing, and as more of us do so, more will find their own courage to do the same. Let’s commit to scrutinizing our perceptual realities, and consider how we sleepwalk through the world. Let’s deconstruct our world views, belief systems, and identifications. From a bird’s eye view, Who Are We beneath those layers? We can connect with everyone and anyone at any time, no matter where we fall in the strata of identifications this world assigns humans. Let’s become comfortable with our own uncomfortable spaces so we might sit with others in their pain. This cancels out fear and shifts it into Love. This is the modeling of vulnerability; an essential ingredient to self-connection and connection to others. 

And let’s consider deeper awareness around the results of the labels we blindly embrace. A child who grows up in the ghetto will become angry and violent if that is what we tell him he is. A child of divorce will feel divorced from herself if that is where we tell her she comes from. A sensitive child will have a life of sadness if we teach her she is sad and difficult. Identifications slam the doors on our gifts, and while there is always the possibility for reclamation at a later time, how wonderful would it be to cut out the middle man, the saboteur. Imagine how high our children could fly, and how much sooner, without those spaces to heal.

We, as human beings, exist outside of social constructs and belief systems, outside of the limitations of divisive identifications. And ironically, our biggest gifts can often be accessed in the spaces that may have been labeled by the world, and subsequently rejected by ourselves, as “bad” or undesirable. Cheers to our individual gifts, and growing them in supportive connection.

I am here, should you benefit from a guide. 

With Love and Seeing,

Michelle

www.fullerconsciousness.com

*As I have not read this book, my interpretation of the content based on the title may be off base. Either way, the connections stand, based on my interpretation. 

Rudy, Lisa Jo; Reviewed by Joel Forman, MD. (June 22,2018). What Does It Mean to Be Neurotypical? From https://www.verywellhealth.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-neurotypical-260047

Keep Sending Love

It’s a conundrum to consider, how the very act of speaking truth or shining light on hidden “realities” result in defensiveness from those with a different awareness and in this sense, fuel divide and conquer agendas. We can say it’s a “trigger” for the human on the other end, potentially leading to deeper seeing and healing but if the reflection can’t be accessed for whatever reason, it doesn’t come out that way. My intention is always to love and inspire and when sharing my perspectives result in making another human angry or pained, I must reflect as well. It is no one’s “job” to “trigger” another human. Yet the pursuit of love and truth is organic to who We Are. Conundrum, indeed.

I have experienced many times where decisions to live according to truth or Seeing which do not support mainstream beliefs or rhetoric result in accusations that those decisions are themselves “judgmental”; by speaking truth of what one Sees, or not engaging in behaviors or even “holidays” rooted in lies and genocide results in defensiveness and accusations from those who cling. To the one who is attempting to honor truth and be authentically loving in actions as well as words, accusations like this *feel* like gaslighting. In some cases that is absolutely the case, but I also feel deeply how energies work to try to keep everyone “in line,” often through other humans. We are typically completely unaware of our role in this when it occurs and so having awareness of how we make others feel attacked or judged when and if we create new spaces or shine light on dark spaces or engage in healing actions is a meaningful discernment. It’s all a mirror and what we do with it has everything to do with where we are headed.

When it comes to some familial spaces, the fear from within the biological family that is activated when a family member grows and expands beyond the hive mind can be met with compassion as well. This is not an easy thing, when an expanding family member is seen as a straw (wo)man to be knocked down, but it is an opportunity to practice deeper levels of acceptance and compassion and use one’s own triggers as fodder for more self reflection, leading to deeper empowerment and sovereignty from a space of integrity, truth, love. Distance from spaces that attack one’s growth is often part of this when one’s emotional health depends upon it, but other times it can be discerned as an invitation to engage, and to practice what one preaches. It is my knowing that authentic love can not be accessed without a conjunction with truth but it is also a path and not a switch that can be flipped. It is also not a conjunction that can be upheld in all spaces by all players at any given moment. We are each on our own paths with different levels of awareness, from Moment to Moment.

Loving is holding space for however another human does each moment, culminating in a Life, and recognizing when we are being pointed to deeper awareness, or maybe are provided with an opportunity to practice “live and let live” and accept dissonance without judgment, as this is where division comes in to play. This does not mean *stopping* however we shine light or stop working to heal unloving or repressive spaces.

What I am speaking to here is how all of us can fuel divide and conquer agendas even when our intentions come from love and truth. In a nutshell? Do you, live in resonance with your Seeing, and send love. 💞Don’t ever stop sharing or modeling, hell no. But, have awareness of the sneaky nature of division.

From a bird’s eye view, online spaces/platforms for connection are feeling more and more to me like throwing a stone into a void even when intentions are to share perspectives, foster connection, and inspire each other. It’s like our smallest differences get emphasized there and sharing any perspective becomes a conduit for more division. I am feeling more deeply every moment how meaningful and purposed it is to emphasize and create physical spaces to come together and connect vis-a-vis, where communications can be readjusted as many times as it takes to access loving connection, where possible.

And while we’re all working with what we’ve got, let’s not forget to enjoy the ride. 💞

The Slices of Truth on the Path of the Seeker

We are schooled in the spaces in which we are here to shine light, speak to, heal, change— even if those spaces exist only in ourselves (which is impossible, for the generational and energetic impact this has). Some of us work with children. Some of us work with trauma. Some of us work with the Earth and the Waters. Some of us work with Joy, and the Creative Spirit. Some of us work with hidden agendas and forces. Some of us work with lineage healing. Some of us work with teaching self-connection. Some of us work with conscious parenting dynamics, loving “divorce”, evolutionary love. Some of us work with consciousness, ego, thought forms. Some of us have lost children, and I can’t even begin to sum up with words what that work looks like. Some of us work with the physical body. Some of us work with the feminine, the masculine, or both. Some of us work to expose false love, narcissistic world dynamics, pathology, Stockholm syndrome. Some of us work jobs inside the matrix construct and hold the frequency in that space day after day. Many of us work with many of these things at once, or others not mentioned. They are all equally and beautifully purposed. When we internally emphasize one space over another, it is possible that this is a space we have been schooled in and can work in, beautifully. Someone else’s work does not render ours unjust, or lesser. It just means we are part of an army. 💙

Our perceptual realities are our truth, and just as we can hold space for the reality of another, we can self-reflect when we witness in ourselves an exertion to strong arm others into seeing or speaking things our way, from our current belief system. The latter is the opposite of holding space and may prevent us from taking real action to heal wounds in the world, ourselves, and in our lineage.

The law of attraction was never meant to suggest the universe is a slot machine. It was meant to inspire awareness that we will attract circumstances beneficial to our growth. Likewise, some circumstances are incredibly painful, abusive, traumatic, and to assert that we create them with our thinking is to insinuate that one brings them on themselves, which results in shame and self blame, and keeps one spinning alone in their perceptual reality, rather than engaging in true healing work. We can see how this plays out in spiritual communities when our connections (or clients, if we are in the healing field) share with us, spinning in those cyclic spaces. 💙

We are having a human experience. This includes the whole gamut of human emotions. These can be embraced rather than bypassed, shamed, or forced into something different. How can we be present if we are resisting what Is? How can we be here Now if we are suppressing our authentic experience and truth? This leads only to spaces of what is Not, and prevents us from accessing true healing and from witnessing and authentically loving others. To achieve the latter, we must first become comfortable with our own wounds and dark spaces. In a dualistic universe, this can be understood intellectually as well as felt with our Hearts. We can also feel into how divide and conquer agendas play out in connection and community when we fall into the trap of “rightness.” This is a process, as embodiment does not come with a switch that can be flipped.

Joy is intrinsic to the human experience. It is intertwined with the Creative Spirit, a gift to humanity that can not be overstated in its beauty. It is astonishing. It brings us to our knees, brings us to song, to dance, to create, to love deeply! It is who we are, and yet we also live in the World, which is fraught with self-disconnection. It is beautiful to model vulnerability, to speak our stories, and to use those spaces to empower us to the action pieces that will ultimately create new paradigms and experiences— within ourselves, and with others. It is a process, and each facet of the process is as purposed as any other.

There are many slices to consider; there is not “one answer.” A few years ago, I was deeply entrenched in the law of attraction and developed a process for my clients that guided them to “shift” from painful spaces into joy and sovereignty. As I travelled my own path, and witnessed the paths of my clients and connections, the process veered and shifted organically to include a deeper healing process. It is true that our thoughts will create our experience. It is also true that we will not authentically experience the higher frequency thoughts we wish to cultivate with longevity and consecutively until we shine the light on the spaces to be healed, take action to do so, and embody the peace that results. 💙

For each of us, it is a long and winding path. I can speak only to what I have learned and have seen thus far, and witnessed in mySelf. Like the previous spaces I have been in, I suspect this will grow as I travel farther, witness more experiences of others, as well as my own.

Today I send love and acceptance to all the emotions in the world, every thought form, every experience. May we lead with love, rather than fear; may we know deep, authentic joy every single day; may we embrace the human experience and witness our own as gateways to our gifts, Seeing, and soul-lead path. May we embrace others in their perceptual realities to combat divide and conquer agendas; to work together to embody all We Are. May we remain open to the wisdom of others, young, middle aged and croned. May we honor all slices, all perceptual realities, and all humans.

www.FullerConsciousness.com

Veritas

When we revealed to the universe our resolve to be in Truth, it nodded its massive head & now the Truths all know where we live. When we revealed to the universe our resolve to be in Truth, we sank to our knees, cupped our hands & sipped from the stream in our hearts, & with each swallow the stream widened until we saw we are the Sea. When we capsize we swim with warrior arms & drag our perfect, limp bodies to the shore, gasping & grateful.

www.fullerconsciousness.com

Covert Narcissism in Connection: What Love is Not

“The challenges create the necessary energy for the flowering of consciousness.”

-Eckhart Tolle 

Introduction:

Whatever it is we consciously or subconsciously believe can be gained for ourselves from or through another; whatever hole to fill, or story to tell, or reality to re-write, or illusion to create; we will certainly fail. Connection will NOT be found outside ourselves until we begin to genuinely seek it within. The truth will always reveal itself, and it is our greatest gift; it is a light pointing back to US. 

Humans often perceive that leading with our Heads and our Fear come from good intentions and a sound belief system. But judgments, censoring, and re-writing of another human’s story are only useful as tools to soothe ourselves; not the one we claim to love or understand. We spin in our own stories, in beliefs and versions of reality that are illusions we subconsciously attribute to our survival. When someone we love (or a social group we witness) begins to grow, change, and seek, our very survival feels threatened due to our identifications with these illusions. We protect our world views rather than consider alternate perspectives, and venomously defend our beliefs as Right, Better, The Way You Do Things. When our world views are shaken by another, whether a loved one or a stranger, many of us react with toxic, unloving behaviors, all the while screaming: I love you! I know what’s best for you! Or, That is Wrong! Apologies rarely come, because “rightness” is as much an identification as any of the aforementioned illusions to which we desperately cling. The entry point for narcissist “loving” is Disconnection to Self.

Covert Narcissism in Connection: What Love is Not

Love is Not Control. Love is flow. Love is embracing our powerlessness over another, supporting another to be who they are and do what they do, and honoring where we end and another begins.  Love is honoring the path of another as theirs, and honoring our own as our own. “I remain whole and in this skin, either way.”

Love is Not Judgment. Love is the Space between the actions and words of another and ourselves. Love is knowing that we do not Know. Love is peace surpassing the need to measure ourselves against others, as comparisons result in false beliefs that we Know Their Life, Their Heart, Their Motive, Their Path. “My self-judgment brings suffering; it reflects outward and falsely validates my judgment of others.”

Love is Not Resistance. Love is Acceptance. Acceptance of another’s truth, another’s path. Love means saying, Okay. Love accepts our worldview as our own, and does not require others to validate it. Love allows something to be, without trying to change it, re-write it to regain control, or employ gossip and triangulation tactics to pathologize another as a means to remain comfortable. Love isn’t right or wrong, because the life of another isn’t ours to judge, or censor, or make into something different. Love is letting go and allowing. Love is the space for change, and therefore growth. “I will not rewrite their story to validate my own. I accept their story as their truth, which only they know.”

Love is Not Worry. Worry, in this context, is an excuse to Control, Judge, and Resist. Love is space and solace. Love is peace, and does not instigate pain. Love encourages and supports. Worry implies we’ve a right to sit censure over the life of another. Worry insinuates we have power, control and a more potent knowing about the life of another than they do. Worry is both self serving and self abandoning. Worry says our beliefs have more merit than the beliefs of the one we worry for. Worry is an excuse to pathologize another. Worry implies the life of another is actually our life too, or affects us in a way it never could, unless we have made the life of another our own in some way, which is not Love. Worry validates gossip, the rewriting of stories, and personal suffering. Worry is patronizing, and a power play. Worry is arrogant. Worry removes mutual respect and freedom from connection. Worry is a euphemism for over-accessing. “I trust our paths are our own. I trust growth is found on the path. When I worry, I hold back my own growth. My growth includes considering new perspectives, and engaging in cognitive dissonance despite the discomfort. Discomfort is healthy; it aids integration, embodiment, and therefore self-connection.”

Love is not Expectation. Love is an Offering. Love is an invitation. Love is an opening. Love is not a tradition, or a rule, or a thank-you note. Love is given freely, and organically. Love is not forced or taken or pushed or pulled. Love is not regulated or insisted on. Love flows. Love weaves. Love comes when it can. Love says no, sometimes, and love accepts. Love is not owed.

Love is not Attachment. Love is You. It is inter-dependent, not co-dependent. When we apply all of these ideas to how we might love ourselves, it becomes possible to extend them to the connections in our lives. Love is Faith. Love is Silence. Love is a field in which no skinny, thirsty trees bend from one’s will on another. Love is not a room in which one’s voice is sucked out by another, or the truth of another can be shut off like a light if enough power, gossip, righteousness and will are exerted. There is only Space, where we allow ourselves to sit, and others to sit, and no one needs to be right, or wiser, or better. In this space, we love with our Heart, not our Fear. The fear is gone now, and everyone is breathing. “I love myself. I trust myself. I believe in myself.” 

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.”― Rumi

www.FullerConsciousness.com

The Diamond

Just like us, our Children embody many gifts, and when we listen, we can hear them Remembering. They have the ability to alchemize: to transform unconsciousness into consciousness, the illusion of separateness into connection, and fear into love. We can:

–remove potential barriers and connect with supportive, expansive spaces;

–clear the path for them to Be exactly who they ARE;

–shield them from unloving or limiting cultural and World programs, and

–cultivate energies within our families that are accepting, supportive and nurturing.

The first step in all of this, as with everything, is to feel our own feels, embody self-acceptance, and have the courage to embrace the self-healing path. Until we do this, we may be unable to peel away the myriad layers of the Construct, as we will not See the Construct itself, will not See the unloving programs and dysfunctions, and will not See the projections of our own wounds onto our children. Equally important is the deep knowing and loving acceptance that we, as caregivers and divine parents, are growing, healing, and peeling back the layers for ourselves, too. We can embrace ourselves in that space, and suspend judgment for past behaviors, actions, or unconscious perspectives. We can embrace patience for ourselves as we practice embodying our deep knowings, sometimes in the face of personal challenges, external and internal resistance, and misunderstandings.

Driving home from nature camp yesterday, my 6 year old says: “Hey mom. I want to tell you about the rock in my shoe!”

Me: “Tell me.”

Owen: “I found this cool rock and I’m going to bury it for 50 years. After 50 years it will turn into a diamond!” 

Me: “That’s awesome! How come is it in your shoe?”

Owen: “I don’t have pockets.”

Me: “Wow! Your shoe is a great idea. Was it uncomfortable to walk and play all day with a rock in your shoe?”

Owen: “A little bit. But it’s worth it!”

Me: “Totally. You’re an alchemist!”

Owen: “Yup. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.”

www.FullerConsciousness.com